How I feel today!

Empty

Numb

Stupid

Lonely

Scared

Fragile

At my breaking point.......

Perverted Justice

The Oklahoma penis-pump-judge trial is underway in Bristow, with the former court reporter sobbingly testifying that, while court was in session, she saw the judge’s stuff at least 15 times, saw him twice tinkle into a wastebasket, saw him several times use the pump (which turned his junk purple), and saw him once (during a murder trial) shave his scrotum.

Yikes!

Party Doll

The designers of My Party Doll, the hand-crafted, finely-siliconed, in-“working-order” sex mannequins ($5k each) are holding court this week at the Erotica-LA Convention, and Agence France-Presse was there. The girls, said one of the designers, are “so durable you can jack up your car with [them].” And, “[I] spent most of the time [working] on the breasts because it’s so difficult to calculate gravity.” (who wants droopy boobs on his sex mannequin)

I don't think they had jacking up your "car" in mind when the creation started! But at that price it better do alot more than that.

Where would you be?

WHERE WOULD YOU BE IF:

YOU HAVE ALL THE MONEY YOUR HEART DESIRES.

YOU HAVE NO WORRIES.

YOU COME HOME AND THE FINEST MEAL IS AWAITING YOU.

YOUR BATHWATER HAS BEEN RUN.

YOU HAVE THE PERFECT KIDS.

YOUR PARTNER IS AWAITING YOU WITH OPEN ARMS AND KISSES.

SO WHERE WOULD YOU BE???

IN THE WRONG FRIGGEN HOUSE!!!

Hmmmm....

Is it OK for a unicorn to play leapfrog with another unicorn?

Handy Guide to Insanity Defense:

Many of you probably think that if you honestly receive an imaginary command to kill someone, and you then kill him, you’re insane. But not according to the renowned psychiatrist Park Dietz, the full-time professional court-testifier. Under Texas law, he says, if God orders you to kill your kids, and you do, you’re insane, but if Satan orders it, and you do, you’re sane.

I'm moving to Texas and taking my mother-n-law!

Just kidding hun!

How to tell that you’re really wasted:

You fall asleep in your locked car with the engine running and your foot apparently jammed against the gas pedal, racing the engine and almost burning it up, and the cops have to break a window to get your attention.

Urban Legend Come to Life:

Sometimes, dogs do jump up on stoves for food and set the whole house on fire . . . .

Psycho kitty terrorizes Connecticut neighbors

Killer Cat - He look s like pure evil right? LOL

Residents of the neighborhood of Sunset Circle say they have been terrorized by a crazy cat named Lewis. Lewis for his part has been uniquely cited, personally issued a restraining order by the town's animal control officer.

"He looks like Felix the Cat and has six toes on each foot, each with a long claw," Janet Kettman, a neighbor said Monday. "They are formidable weapons."

The neighbors said those weapons, along with catlike stealth, have allowed Lewis to attack at least a half dozen people and ambush the Avon lady as she was getting out of her car.

Some of those who were bitten and scratched ended up seeking treatment at area hospitals.
Animal Control Officer Rachel Solveira placed a restraining order on him. It was the first time such an action was taken against a cat in Fairfield.

In effect, Lewis is under house arrest, forbidden to leave his home.

Solveira also arrested the cat's owner, Ruth Cisero, charging her with failing to comply with the restraining order and reckless endangerment.

In the news today the Judge order the cat be placed under house arrest!!!! I want to see if the make the cat wear an ankle bracelet like Martha Stewart!

Little Boys

Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of
Tampax, and proceeded to the checkout counter.

The man at the counter asked the older boy, "Son, how old are you?"

" Eight", the boy replied.


The man continued, "Do you know how these are used?"

The boy replied, "Not exactly. But they aren't for me. They are for
him. He's my brother. He's four. We saw on TV that if you use these you
would be able to swim and ride a bike. He can't do either one

Happy 16th Anniversary Babe

It's been 16 wonderful years, and lovely to have spent half of my life with you! I know we will have many many more!

Love ya

Crazy Day

The new mayor of Winter Park FL (bordering Orlando) admitted that, 6 yrs ago, yes, he did get into an argument with a guy and smeared dog poop on his shirt (but says things were a little crazy that day). I wish we could all use thta excuse to rub poop on someone!

Knew this was coming....

FEMA Horrors: This morning, the Gov’t Accountability Office will say that FEMA inspectors have done a great job of tracking down the fraud committed against the agency during the post-Katrina hubbub—if you consider catching 1.2 percent of it, or 2.8 percent of it a “great job.”

The headlines, according to an AP story, will be that FEMA money paid for, among other things, two months in Hawaii, a Dominican vacation, Dom Perignon, a divorce, and porn products, and that some of it was so brazen that it’s not possible for a FEMA to look at the paperwork and not realize he’s being scammed.

On the other hand, Congress is expected to go nuts about this, for no other reason than to take the public’s mind off all their pork.

3 Dollars

So last night J and I are getting ready for bed... the usual routine of getting the kids to brush their teeth and get off the phone. We change turn on the late show and climb into bed. We notice it has become unusually quiet.... Hmmm. All the sudden Cody (13 and fearless) runs in our room and MOONS us!

It seems that his 15 yr old brother paid him 3 dollars to do this. I have not had a great laugh like that in a long time!

Soooooooo Glad I'm a mom!

Perfect example of Taxpayer dollars at work.

OK this stupid criminal that tries to rob a store get busted, literally, and gets to sue because he was beat up! Wonders never cease we get to pay for the lawsuit!

Convicted attempted-armed-robber Dana Buckman in Rochester, N.Y., is suing the victims for beating him up real bad . . . . .

What a crock!

What coffin would you want?

Very unusual coffins are expected in Ghani...

Carpenters carry a coffin shaped in the form of a fish over the main road in Teshie, a suburb of the Ghanaian capital of Accra, January 22, 2004. Funerals are important social occasions in this West African country and elaborate, brightly coloured coffins have become an art form. (Wolfgang Rattay/Reuters)

So what coffin would you want?

Iceland Penis Museum

Now I have seen it all!

The Founder- "The 64-year-old father of four and retired history teacher started collecting penises the same way others collect frogs or rubber ducks. Back in the 1970s, he said, a colleague who worked a summer at a nearby whaling station brought him a whale penis as a curiosity. Then others gave him more penises."

Full Story here:

http://www.philly.com/mld/inquirer/living/health/14741570.htm

Can't decide?

Yesterday, a Florida State federal judge, in a formal written order, required two feuding lawyers, who couldn’t decide on where to hold a deposition, to report to the courthouse steps in Tampa and play one game of Rock, Paper, Scissors, with the winner to select the deposition site. [Link from Fark.com]

Hell, Mich., heats up for 6-6-6 party

HELL, Mich. - They're planning a hot time in Hell on Tuesday. The day bears the date of 6-6-06, or abbreviated as 666 - a number that carries hellish significance. And there's not a snowball's chance in Hell that the day will go unnoticed in the unincorporated hamlet 60 miles west of Detroit.
Nobody is more fired up than John Colone, the town's self-styled mayor and owner of a souvenir shop.
"I've got `666' T-shirts and mugs. I'm only ordering 666 (of the items) so once they're gone, that's it," said Colone, also known as Odum Plenty. "Everyone who comes will get a letter of authenticity saying you've celebrated June 6, 2006, in Hell."
Most of Colone's wares will sell for $6.66, including deeds to one square inch of Hell.
Live entertainment and a costume contest are planned. The Gates of Hell should be installed at a children's play area in time for the festivities.
"They're 8 feet tall and 5 foot wide and each gate looks like flames, and when they're closed, it's a devil's head," Colone told The Detroit News for a Saturday story.
Mike "Smitty" Hickey, owner of the Dam Site Inn, wasn't sure what kind of clientele would show up Tuesday.
"We're all about having fun here. I don't think we're going to get the cult crowd, the devil worshippers or anything like that," said Hickey, whose bar's signature concoction is the Bloody Devil, a variant of the Bloody Mary.
Colone, meanwhile, has been in touch with radio stations as far away as San Diego and Seattle that are raffling off trips to Hell in honor of 6-6-6.
The 666 revelry is just the latest chapter in the town's storied history of publicity stunts, said Jason LeTeff, one of its 72 year-round residents - or, as the mayor calls them, Hellions or Hell-billies. But LeTeff wasn't particularly enthused.
"Now, here I am living in Hell, taking my kids to church and trying to teach them the right things and the town where we live is having a 6-6-6 party," he said.
According to the town's semiofficial Web site, there are two leading theories about how Hell got its name.
The first holds that a pair of German travelers stepped out of a stagecoach one sunny afternoon in the 1830s, and one said to the other, "So schoene hell" - roughly translated as, "So bright and beautiful." Their comments were overheard by some locals and the name stuck.
The second holds that George Reeves was asked after Michigan gained statehood what he thought the town he helped settle should be called, and reportedly replied, "I don't care, you can name it Hell if you want to." The name became official on Oct. 13, 1841.

It's just another day! Still they hope to profit....

Incredible Faith

You may have seen this in the news, as it just has made national news. It's a story of two young women. Five weeks ago these two young gals from Taylor University were in a terrible accident. One lived. One died (along with four other students). But their identities were mixed-up. Today it was discovered. The family who sat by the bedside of whom they thought was their daughter, Laura VanRyn, is indeed, Whitney Cerak. The VanRyn's have kept a blog. Their faith is incredible.

Yesterday they began their blog with the verse, "Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever." (Hebrews 13:8). They then share, "It is a sorrow and a joy for us to learn of this turn of events. For us, we will mourn Laura's going home and will greatly miss her compassionate heart and sweetness while knowing that she is safe and with her King forever."

What joy for one family.

What sorrow for another.

To Think your child is gone and then to find them to be alive is imposible to imagine. To think your child is alive and then to find them gone would be even worse. My prayers are with both families.