Merry Christmas

The season can be very challenging for everyone, whether we are with our families or alone. We miss the people who are no longer with us. and those who can't come home. And it's nice to include friend's who are alone. Please remember the troops overseas and the families who can't be with them. I hope that your holidays are filled with joy, peace and blessings, and that the coming year will be truly wonderful for you.

Merry Christmas

Stephanie

Brilliant:

Kevin Sutherland, 45, arrested in Salt Lake City for downloading child porn, says he’s innocent, in that he personally disapproves of child porn but that his shrink says he has multiple-personality disorder and that one of those MPD inhabitants happens to be a teenage boy who likes to look at nekkid pictures of teenage girls.


Least Competent (1) Australian model: She screamed hysterically at a riverside park in Adelaide, "Where’s my baby! Someone’s stolen my baby!" Turns out the 5-month-old’s buggy had rolled into the river when mom got distracted by a cell phone call. By the way, the story did not end well. IDIOT!


(2) Gov’t Agency: That would be the Pentagon’s Guantanamo operation, in that the Associated Press has found, for instance, that the Afghanistan gov’t couldn’t come up with anything to charge the 80-plus Afghans with who were supposedly dangerous enemy combatants when the Pentagon finally shipped them back home. The same was true of about 120 others who were returned to their countries.

Really shocking!

More than 500 accidental electrocutions were reported in Russia last year from people stealing power line electrical cables for resale as scrap metal. According to an April New York Times dispatch, more than 15,000 miles of power lines have been pulled down in recent years, rendering millions of households dark for weeks at a time. One recent victim, interviewed in intensive care, said he was confident when he saw a single line left on a pole, believing that thieves had taken the other lines safely; he is now without his left arm, right leg and colon.

Cheers!

Ice Storm

Just one small pile of limbs......
And
Our shed post storm....









Been a long week!

Good News / Bad News:

I have been without power for a week now. We had an ice storm from hell!! Where I live and 13 other counties have been declared state of disaster. My backyard is a mess 2 large hickory trees that were there are mere stubs... like 2 toothpicks sticking up form the ice covered ground. Our shed which held lawn equipment and the boys' bikes looks like a pancake- smashed by large branches. I miss my warm comfy waterbed, which we couldnt use without power. I will be so glad when things get back to normal!


I will leave you with this story.....





Stevie Long, 4, was successful in scaring off two home invaders who had been holding a gun on his mother, her boyfriend, and four children; Stevie had quietly excused himself, put on his Mighty Morphin Power Ranger outfit, grabbed a plastic sword, and then burst on the scene, yelling, "Get away from my family!" The startled men fled empty-handed. The bad news is that a counselor, after talking to Stevie, said that the kid "fully believed he morphed" into the Power Ranger.

Oh mammy!

Florida state’s kinder, gentler version of Michael Richards: The city manager of a place called Golden Beach (pop. 919 rich people, up a ways from North Miami Beach) said she never meant any harm when she referred to her mature assistant (a black woman) as "mammy," but then, apparently mortified that she’d upset the woman, tried to make things right by assuring her just how much she’s always loved "Aunt Jemima." (Seriously.)

happy thanksgiving

MAY YOUR STUFFING BE TASTY, MAY YOUR TURKEY BE PLUMP.
MAY YOUR POTATOES 'N GRAVY HAVE NARY A LUMP,
MAY YOUR YAMS BE DELICIOUS,
MAY YOUR PIES TAKE THE PRIZE,
MAY YOUR THANKSGIVING DINNER
STAY OFF OF YOUR THIGHS.


GOBBLE TIL YOU WOBBLE.........

AND IN ALL AND FOR ALL THINGS GIVE THANKS.

justice

Thank goodness for protesters photographing everyone coming in for abortions at the Hope Clinic in Granite City, Ill., because three of their pictures will be used against a guy who brought in the underage girl he had been abusing.



On a recent post.... Here’s more news on the Dec. 22 World Orgasm day.... The thought of it just tickles me to death lol.

Thank goodness for protesters photographing everyone coming in for abortions at the Hope Clinic in Granite City, Ill., because three of their pictures will be used against a guy who brought in the underage girl he had been abusing.



On a recent post.... Here’s more news on the Dec. 22 World Orgasm day.... The thought of it just tickles me to death lol.

WTF

Preliminary PlayStation3 Hubbub Casualty Toll: One shot (Putnam, Conn.), one stabbed (Sullivan, Ind.), a trampling (Fresno, Calif.), a beating (Manchester, Conn.), a drive-by shooting (BB gun) (Lexington, Ky.), and at least two other robberies (Englewood, Ohio; Allentown, Pa.). Now for a PS3-compatible game in which PS3 geeks waiting in line to buy the game whip up on street punks trying to rob them. [Associated Press]


This will be like the best day ever!:

"Global Orgasm" day is December 22, and we’re all asked to, er, do our parts to create surges of human energy, to see if anything happens to Earth. (PS3 geeks can help, too, ‘cause you don’t need a partner for this.)

How to prove your inocent....

Years after the crime and many denials later. Stranger than A Reality TV Show: "O.J. Simpson: If I Did It, Here's How It Happened," O.J. Simpson, in his own words, tells for the first time how he would have committed the murders if he were the one responsible for the crimes, FOX says: "In the two-part event, Simpson describes how he would have carried out the murders he has vehemently denied committing for over a decade." Boy I sure do believe him now! I think I'm gona get in line and pay alot of money for his book when it comes out!

Ouch!

if you’re one of the few who haven’t been able to glimpse the Iraq returnee in London shooting off the rocket from his nether region, it’s here, and if he didn’t have post-traumatic stress when he got back, he’s got it now.

Holy Cow

A cow that escaped its pen along the Queensland (Australia) coast wandered into the surf, paddled around, came ashore, paddled back out, came ashore, paddled back out, and, after four hours of aquatics, died of apparent water-intake . . . . .must have been trying to getting his swimming excersize.


Cheers!

What Goes Around, Comes Around:

The only Enron spouse who gets to keep the money that came in from the executives’ shenanigans ($9m worth) is William Dodson, who is the spouse of soon-to-be-imprisoned Michael Kopper. That’s because, of course, they can’t be legal spouses. All the opposite-sex spouses have had to give everything back, but prosecutors are sort-of forced to treat Dodson as an indirect beneficiary, and they haven’t gone after any of them (yet). Good to be Gay I guess?!


Cheers!

Great Cause!

If you go to the web site at www.letssaythanks.com
you can pick out a thank you card and the Xerox
Corporation will print it and send it to a soldier that is
currently serving in Iraq. You can't pick out who gets
it, but it will go to some member of the armed
services.

It is FREE and it only takes a second. Wouldn't it be
wonderful if the soldiers received a bunch of these?

Cheers!

Equality and Justice for All:

So Florida State middle-school teacher Debra LaFave bonks one student a couple of times, gets 15-minutes-plus of fame, and avoids lockup. Now comes South Bend, Ind., middle-school teacher’s aide Schmeca White, 28, who, as far as we know, bonks no one but does take her clothes off in class and feel herself up, and not only has she been in lockup since her arrest 18 months ago, but she gets sentenced to over 7 more yrs, and Judge Roland Chamblee almost apologized for not giving her more, citing her previously clean record.


Cheers!

We, as Americans, have nothing better to do....

with our time than to figure out which bathroom to choose!

One State Avoids Turmoil; Another Doesn’t: The New Jersey Supreme Court passed the buck (for six more months) to the legislature yesterday on the gay-marriage thing, but NY’s more progressive Metropolitan Transit Authority (in setting a Human Rights Commission complaint by a transgender-rights group) agreed to open its rest rooms to TG’s based on what they’ve chosen to be. That will probably be less of a problem to Betty-cum-Bobs in the men’s rooms than it will be when the weird-Hermans realize that a dress and pumps get them an all-access pass to listen to the ladies pee.

Men........

1. Men are like ...Laxatives ...... They irritate the crap out of you.
2. Men are like..... Bananas ..... The older they get, the less firm they are.
3. Men are like ......Weather .... Nothing can be done to change them.
4. Men are like .....Blenders ... You need One, but you're not quite sure why.
5. Men are like .....Chocolate Bars .... Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.
6. Men are like ....Commercials ....... You can't believe a word they say.
7. Men are like..... Department Stores ..... Their clothes are always 1/2 off.
8. Men are like ......Government Bonds .... They take soooooooo long to mature.
9. Men are like .....Mascara ..... They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
10. Men are like .Popcorn ..... They satisfy you, but only for a little while.

Shit to laugh at... What a world!

It turns out that Wesley Snipes is now in Namibia working on a movie, rather than being seriously on the lam from the federal indictment unsealed on Tuesday in Tampa charging him and two others with tax-fraud conspiracy (and Snipes personally with failure to file for 6 years). Snipes is the gov’t’s highest-profile "Section 861" schmuck yet, and the word on the street is that IRS might finally, at last, be getting tough with these guys who are certain that the Code is interpretable as requiring only that foreign income is taxable (thus conveniently ignoring several other sections making it clear that all income from any source is taxable unless specifically excluded). Usually, even dumb people who are high-profile have an array of advisers who seriously want nothing bad to happen to their meal tick–, er, clients. Snipes apparently lacks these advisers, so when smooth-talking tax lingo-ists told him he could save $11.3M in taxes, he got all moist. He’s facing 16 yrs and should surely see prison time when this is all over. Whether they’ll send Tommy Lee Jones and Joe Pantoliano to Namibia to bring his ass back is another question. [In case you run into any of these hucksters, here is IRS’s handy, comprehensive guide to frivolous tax arguments.]


An Australian inmate lost 30 lbs. on a laxative diet, for the sole purpose of getting small enough to squeeze through an escape hole . . . . .

A tongue-piercing gone bad led to trigeminal neuralgia, sometimes called "suicide disease" because of the excruciating, stabbing pain lasting 10-30 seconds, 20-30 times a day, and has been known to drop people to their knees. And in Boston, a mom was found guilty for ignoring her 13-yr-old daughter’s life-threatening infection caused by a navel-piercing.
Mom of the year on the horizon here.

And my personal favorite!
A man denied trying to kill his wife (by ramming his gloved hand down her latex-allergic throat), presenting as proof their written S&M contract: "In section four of the contract, it says the master does not have a right to kill the slave" [emphasis added] . . . . .

Sounds Like a Joke

Apparently, some Afghan Taliban fighters are shielding themselves from infra-red surveillance by planting lots of, er, tall marijuana plants, which supposedly absorb heat really well. In fact, the Canadian soldiers who found the field can’t even burn the plants because they’re so water-retentive. And further in fact, the Canadian military chief of staff said the one time they actually burned a few plants, the, er, "ill effects" of being downwind created a bummer.

Good Ol' New Orleans...

You cant look around NO without seeing devastation. But if you are a worker trying to rebuild the fine fish-bowl of a city you sure can find hookers!
"What we have here is like the Super Bowl," said a N’awlins deputy police chief, referring to the booming prostitution trade, serving all the temp workers rebuilding the city . . . . .SCORE!!!!!!!

Random thoughts...

* Words that soak into your ears are whispered… not yelled.
* Forgive your enemies. It messes up their heads.
* It don’t take a very big person to carry a grudge.
* Most of the stuff people worry about ain’t never gonna happen, anyway.
* Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you’ll enjoy it a second time.
* The biggest troublemaker you’ll probably ever have to deal with, watches you from the mirror every mornin’.
* Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

A Texas endoscopist (colon roto-rooter) gets a soft, six-month sentence because, he said, ejaculating on that patient was "unintentional."


Now my question is how do accidently spooge all over someones face during a colonoscopy? And How would you feel if someone only got 6 months for doing that to you? Ewwwwwwwwwwwww! Thats just wrong.

Today’s Gross-Out Links:

Here’s your Guinness-winning fingernail girl, Lee Raymond, age 65, with looping 24-footers that took her 27 yrs to grow (with photo!). And here’s ABC News’s actual transcripts of Rep. Foley’s most explicit (to this point, at least) e-mail messages, e.g., like the one suggesting that a man in his 50s might still be measuring his clinton with a ruler.

Speeding.

I GOT STOPPED FOR SPEEDING THE OTHER DAY.I THOUGHT I COULD TALK MY
WAY OUT OF IT UNTIL THE COP LOOKED AT MY DOG IN THE BACK SEAT.

Ohhhhh Kermeeee (insert sexy voice)

Former New Jersey governor Jim ("I am a gay American") McGreevey is reportedly in rehab in Arizona for his addiction disorder of needing to "be adored by strangers" and chose, as his "assistance [stuffed] animal" for his therapy sessions, Kermit the Frog.

Never!

Never, Ever, Ever~EVER~
Under
ANY Circumstance~
Kiss A Monkey!!

Ohh so tempting.......

A woman in Montreal didn’t cut off her womanizing boyfriend’s offending organ--she set it on fire with fondue fuel . . . . .


Personaly I would have brought along some chocolate to dip my pinapple in.

HNT

I have never participated in HNT But I figured this Thursday would be a great day to start. And my mood today fits the bill.... Yes, I know I have a big butt!

WHEN GIRLS DRINK TOO MUCH............

I'm Guilty of most lol

1. WE HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHERE OUR PURSE IS.

2. WE BELIEVE THAT DANCING WITH OUR ARMS OVERHEAD AND WIGGLING OUR BUTT
WHILE YELLING "WOO-HOO!" IS TRULY THE SEXIEST DANCE MOVE AROUND.

3. WE'VE SUDDENLY DECIDED THAT WE WANT TO KICK SOMEONE'S ASS AND HONESTLY
BELIEVE WE COULD DO IT TOO.

4. IN OUR LAST TRIP TO PEE, WE REALIZE THAT WE NOW LOOK MORE LIKE A HOMELESS
HOOKER THAN THE GODDESS WE WERE JUST FOUR HOURS AGO

5. WE START CRYING AND TELLING EVERYONE WE SEE THAT WE LOVE THEM SOOOOO
MUCH.

6. WE GET EXTREMELY EXCITED AND JUMP UP AND DOWN EVERY TIME A NEW SONG
PLAY'S BECAUSE "OH MY GOD! I LOVE THIS SONG!"

7. WE'VE FOUND A DEEPER/SPIRITUAL SIDE TO THE GEEK SITTING NEXT TO US.

8. WE'VE SUDDENLY TAKEN UP SMOKING AND BECOME REALLY GOOD AT IT.

9. WE YELL AT THE BARTENDER, WHO WE BELIEVE CHEATED US BY GIVING US JUST
LEMONADE, BUT THAT'S JUST BECAUSE WE CAN NO LONGER TASTE THE GIN.

10. WE THINK WE ARE IN BED, BUT OUR PILLOW FEELS STRANGELY LIKE THE KITCHEN
FLOOR (or the mop?)

11. WE FAIL TO NOTICE THAT THE TOILET LID'S DOWN WHEN WE SIT ON IT.

12. WE TAKE OUR SHOES OFF BECAUSE WE BELIEVE IT'S THEIR FAULT THAT WE'RE
HAVING PROBLEMS WALKING STRAIGHT.

911 What is your emergency?

Mine is that 5 years later we haven't caught UBL - His henchmen still run wild plotting to kill American men,women and children. With a 26 million dollar bounty on his head no-one will catch him. I think back to that day, remembering being glued to my set and crying, wanting to run to the school to pick up my children and hold them as tightly as possible. I remember thinking of all the children that lost a parent. I remember all the parents that lost a child. Sisters, brothers, loved friends and heroes. What have we done since then to remember those lost? No memorial is done... sure the plans have been drawn.. I hear in the millions to build it. Why do we NEED something that cost millions? Would someone want to donate the materials and time to build for mere recognition of being a human being. We have countless millionaires that could ban together- don't we?? I am but a simple person with simple dreams and expectations. What can I expect.....


The strength of our nation comes from our freedom, our liberty. Our rights as citizens are what our soldiers over the centuries have died to protect. It is an abomination that we should surrender them without a fight. And doubly so when it is our freedom to live as we choose that makes these terrorists want to attack us in the first place. They fear a nation of citizens free to speak freely, think freely, worship freely. They want a nation of slaves, who live with heads bowed, who want nothing out of life except to remain invisible, who tremble at the sound of a knock at the door. This is what we're at war with. We cannot allow fear to triumph over liberty. We cannot allow cowardice to be an excuse to surrender our rights. Maybe today's anniversary to provide a reminder to us all what courage really is, and what America really stands for.

Rest in Peace

We had our trip last weekend, I took Monday off. I shouldnt have.... I take care of an elderly couple and have for 3 years. they are the most loving caring people you could meet. Monday at the age of 96 our little man passed away in his home and totally at peace. He slipped away with a smile and no pain. I miss him so much already. This week has been a whirl wind of activity and planning and tears of course. I keep kicking myself that I wasnt here I would have been. I know he is in a better place pain free and happy, Sorry I havent had time to write.


Rest in Peace Dear one you are missed already!

Labor Day

Going out of state for Labor Day with the boys and J. We are going to my mom's for the weekend to visit. The kids are excited and eager to ride horses and ATV's So am I realy. J and I have been tolerating each other pretty well. He knows I have seen someone else and says he understands that it's probably retaliation. I know he's right. I think we may be on the right track to be nice to each other again... Long Road!


You all have a wonderful Weekend!

Leaving you something to make you laugh...

Ahhh Careless date!

He’s lovely. We went on a date and then kissed. He’s very sexy; we like each other. So we went back to his. Then we removed our clothes. He really turned me on. We had sex; it was great. Then we woke up, and went out for breakfast. We’re meeting again next weekend.

Mr Right? NO- Mr Right NOW!

Yes right now... I have said it over and over in my head. I want him RIGHT NOW!!!

So what do I do?
I walk up to him, smile a coy subtle smile, and say..........

I have to tinkle be right back!

How embarrassing! OK So I did have about 4 shots of liquid gold... goldschlager whisky.

He smiled of course and patiently waited for my return, thank the lord, I was ecstatic that he didn't run screaming.

We sat and talked for about an hour. He recently broke up with an over aggressive GF. Before I knew it we walked out together. To his car. To his backseat. Top off in a flurry of lust, I couldn't believe it. Kissing-check, heavy breathing-check, oh he definitely gets a check for the great big buldge. Lets just say I haven't had sex in the backseat of a car in at least 16 years. BUT O MY GOD it was worth the wait!

Now I feel a little slutty OK a lot slutty! lol But you know what I don't care I love it! :)

He is going to call me again this weekend. Has called twice since Saturday. I'm in love with lust!hehe

Gota go

too funny

Some people are like Slinkies...not really good for anything, but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs.

Wake up!

The Canton, Ohio, school board's centerpiece of sex ed is abstinence, but it now says a modification is due, after the stats came in: Of 490 female students at Timken High School last yr, 65 got pregnant.!

I guess these experts aren't such experts after all!

Now I am no expert but when you teach abstinence kids do.not.listen. Why not teach kids to wear condoms and to respect each other so they aren't running around transmitting STD's

People, times are changing, kids have sex. The more you tell a teen not to do it- They want to do it!

I don't even want to think of what my kids could be doing compared to what I did at age 13-14 I keep a close eye on mine and they are on a tight leash. But if the issue were to come up I would say be sure of your decision and use protection! You cant take your actions back!

Now that is just Wrong!

A woman and her boyfriend and the womanÂ’s 15-yr-old daughter apparently wrote out a contract (and signed it) specifying that while the woman is laid up from surgery for 2 months, the daughter will take her place in bed in exchange for certain gifts. (And did I mention that this was written out . . .Andd signed?)

To sell your childs body so she can have clothes and Body piercings in general should tell you how she has been raised!

World gone nuts!

We cant carry liquids on planes ( for our safety of course)Thanks to terrorists.

A 15 yr old boy From my neighborhood was beaten and then shot at 2 in the morning (where were his parents!)

Lately a 1 yr old was kidnapped and then sexually molested but found 2 hours after the parents noticed her missing!


LaToya Joplin stands accused of beating her 3-yr-old daughter to death but told a sheriff’s detective that the abuse-ee here is really herself, since her hand was throbbing with pain, in that discipline required that she keep up the beating because the girl never said "ouch" or anything. (Seriously.)


Is there really hope in the world? Sometimes it seems so bleak!

Back to the beginning

I was 13 he was 14. It was the 7th grade for me the 8th for him. I had never been the outgoing type-more introverted. His story goes a little like this....

he saw me in gym room standing with 2 of my girlfriends listing to my boombox play the superbowl shuffle, gotta love the early 80's, he says I grabbed ahold of his heart and he knew he wouldn't let me get away. The night he saw me he called me. I had no idea who he was, never herd of him, and was a bit on guard when he called. I thought for sure it was a practical joke. That night he asked if he could keep calling me and told me that one day he would marry me. We became inseparable. I was full on smitten. If you were to ask anyone in high school who I was they would say that's James' girfiend. We became one person. At age 14 I became pregnant and our parents totally fipped out. They instantly insisted that I have an abortion. So 7 weeks later I did. 2 days before I was to have the abortion my mother, in her panic mode, says to have the child put up for adoption. It was my choice! Not hers!
I was angry as she drug me along to an adoption center to have the process explained to me. I was young and had to make a decision for myself, for him, for everyone. That child would be 18, graduated from high school, and planning his/her life.
After that we had to struggle to keep "us" us. It was rocky. I thought it had bonded us more.

I have never dated anyone else but him, never wanted to. I am struggling with the idea that he could be tempted to have an affair much less have one. I need to forgive him, but I cant forget the hurt he has caused. I could see it if we falling apart for some time. There were no signs, no struggles. I was living in absolute bliss thinking everything was fine.

I know he didn't have to tell me and could have just hid it. But he couldn't and now I hurt deeply more so than I have ever thought I could. Time heals all woulds but my heart and mind is not wounded it's broken. I do love him how can I not?

I guess I am just real down today so I had to vent.

My new puppy

Meet Bullseye!

No! Not the fire department!

In Portland, Ore., neighbors were puzzled when they saw residents merely tossing buckets of water on their house fire while begging that no one call the fire dept, and we know what that means
[answer: a marijuana nursery inside] . . . . .

Revenge....

Yesterday, my friend Joe came over and we got to talking. The topic soon became about the troubles that my DH has bestowed upon on the family.


Joe: you need to get a revenge fuck...
Me: what?
J: A revenge F
Me: I dont think so!
J: Why?
Me: What kind of person would I be if I did the same thing he did to me?
J: A more satisfied one.
Me: Just because I will have had sex it doesnt take away the problem.
J: I'm just sayin
Me:Just sayin wont help
J: Oh I can help alright....
=insert wicked grin on his face=
Me: Yeah Im sure you would....

I am right.Right?

Paintbrush anyone?

Australian Tim Patch is showing his my-penis-is-my-brush art at the Sydney Sexpo that, I gather, is running right now (he calls himself "Pricasso") . . .



I wonder just how good in bed he is?
Can you tell I have not had sex in at least a month?

The beauty within....

Taken at StLouis Zoo Insect House

Out to lunch...

Hiya,

The boys and I had a great weekend, thankfully. I had to get out of the house and try to fill my head with better things. So on Saturday I packed up a cooler and fishing poles along with some wiggle worms and chicken livers and took the boys fishing. We had a really good time, we didn't catch too many fish, but we had fun non-the-less. I should say I hate to go fishing! Really... I wont take the fish off the hook and scream like a girl when the kids make fun of me chasing me around with the slimy fish. Plus I make them wear sunscreen and look silly making 2 growing boys put on sunscreen lol. Good time!

Sunday, as if we didn't get enough sun, I took them to St. Louis Zoo. We hadn't been in about 2 years and we spent all day looking at the animals and eating junk food. Got some great pictures I will try to post soon.

All in all it was a good weekend and I managed to avoid the Mr. Most of the time, except a little on Saturday.

I've decided to focus all my time on the boys when I'm not working.

:)

Ok

I'm slowly beginning to try to live again. My 2 sons need me to be strong and positive, if all you see is negativity then how do you see positive things.

Update: After 16 years (June 17th) of marriage my DH has confessed of having an affair, not because he wants to leave me, but because he cant bare not telling me. It was weighing to heavily upon him. What do you say to someone who does that?

I have been totally taken aback as to his admission needless to say.

We have started going to counseling and he has moved into the den. I want to trust him and love him. Is it possible? I have no idea.

I dont give a shit...

And why should I? My life has totally become a f'd up situation that does'nt end. Life sucks and I just do not enjoy it anymore. Why try to find positives only to be let down time and time again.
If anyone cares, which I know a certain person does not, they can email me and I will tell you all about it....

How I feel today!

Empty

Numb

Stupid

Lonely

Scared

Fragile

At my breaking point.......

Perverted Justice

The Oklahoma penis-pump-judge trial is underway in Bristow, with the former court reporter sobbingly testifying that, while court was in session, she saw the judge’s stuff at least 15 times, saw him twice tinkle into a wastebasket, saw him several times use the pump (which turned his junk purple), and saw him once (during a murder trial) shave his scrotum.

Yikes!

Party Doll

The designers of My Party Doll, the hand-crafted, finely-siliconed, in-“working-order” sex mannequins ($5k each) are holding court this week at the Erotica-LA Convention, and Agence France-Presse was there. The girls, said one of the designers, are “so durable you can jack up your car with [them].” And, “[I] spent most of the time [working] on the breasts because it’s so difficult to calculate gravity.” (who wants droopy boobs on his sex mannequin)

I don't think they had jacking up your "car" in mind when the creation started! But at that price it better do alot more than that.

Where would you be?

WHERE WOULD YOU BE IF:

YOU HAVE ALL THE MONEY YOUR HEART DESIRES.

YOU HAVE NO WORRIES.

YOU COME HOME AND THE FINEST MEAL IS AWAITING YOU.

YOUR BATHWATER HAS BEEN RUN.

YOU HAVE THE PERFECT KIDS.

YOUR PARTNER IS AWAITING YOU WITH OPEN ARMS AND KISSES.

SO WHERE WOULD YOU BE???

IN THE WRONG FRIGGEN HOUSE!!!

Hmmmm....

Is it OK for a unicorn to play leapfrog with another unicorn?

Handy Guide to Insanity Defense:

Many of you probably think that if you honestly receive an imaginary command to kill someone, and you then kill him, you’re insane. But not according to the renowned psychiatrist Park Dietz, the full-time professional court-testifier. Under Texas law, he says, if God orders you to kill your kids, and you do, you’re insane, but if Satan orders it, and you do, you’re sane.

I'm moving to Texas and taking my mother-n-law!

Just kidding hun!

How to tell that you’re really wasted:

You fall asleep in your locked car with the engine running and your foot apparently jammed against the gas pedal, racing the engine and almost burning it up, and the cops have to break a window to get your attention.

Urban Legend Come to Life:

Sometimes, dogs do jump up on stoves for food and set the whole house on fire . . . .

Psycho kitty terrorizes Connecticut neighbors

Killer Cat - He look s like pure evil right? LOL

Residents of the neighborhood of Sunset Circle say they have been terrorized by a crazy cat named Lewis. Lewis for his part has been uniquely cited, personally issued a restraining order by the town's animal control officer.

"He looks like Felix the Cat and has six toes on each foot, each with a long claw," Janet Kettman, a neighbor said Monday. "They are formidable weapons."

The neighbors said those weapons, along with catlike stealth, have allowed Lewis to attack at least a half dozen people and ambush the Avon lady as she was getting out of her car.

Some of those who were bitten and scratched ended up seeking treatment at area hospitals.
Animal Control Officer Rachel Solveira placed a restraining order on him. It was the first time such an action was taken against a cat in Fairfield.

In effect, Lewis is under house arrest, forbidden to leave his home.

Solveira also arrested the cat's owner, Ruth Cisero, charging her with failing to comply with the restraining order and reckless endangerment.

In the news today the Judge order the cat be placed under house arrest!!!! I want to see if the make the cat wear an ankle bracelet like Martha Stewart!

Little Boys

Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of
Tampax, and proceeded to the checkout counter.

The man at the counter asked the older boy, "Son, how old are you?"

" Eight", the boy replied.


The man continued, "Do you know how these are used?"

The boy replied, "Not exactly. But they aren't for me. They are for
him. He's my brother. He's four. We saw on TV that if you use these you
would be able to swim and ride a bike. He can't do either one

Happy 16th Anniversary Babe

It's been 16 wonderful years, and lovely to have spent half of my life with you! I know we will have many many more!

Love ya

Crazy Day

The new mayor of Winter Park FL (bordering Orlando) admitted that, 6 yrs ago, yes, he did get into an argument with a guy and smeared dog poop on his shirt (but says things were a little crazy that day). I wish we could all use thta excuse to rub poop on someone!

Knew this was coming....

FEMA Horrors: This morning, the Gov’t Accountability Office will say that FEMA inspectors have done a great job of tracking down the fraud committed against the agency during the post-Katrina hubbub—if you consider catching 1.2 percent of it, or 2.8 percent of it a “great job.”

The headlines, according to an AP story, will be that FEMA money paid for, among other things, two months in Hawaii, a Dominican vacation, Dom Perignon, a divorce, and porn products, and that some of it was so brazen that it’s not possible for a FEMA to look at the paperwork and not realize he’s being scammed.

On the other hand, Congress is expected to go nuts about this, for no other reason than to take the public’s mind off all their pork.

3 Dollars

So last night J and I are getting ready for bed... the usual routine of getting the kids to brush their teeth and get off the phone. We change turn on the late show and climb into bed. We notice it has become unusually quiet.... Hmmm. All the sudden Cody (13 and fearless) runs in our room and MOONS us!

It seems that his 15 yr old brother paid him 3 dollars to do this. I have not had a great laugh like that in a long time!

Soooooooo Glad I'm a mom!

Perfect example of Taxpayer dollars at work.

OK this stupid criminal that tries to rob a store get busted, literally, and gets to sue because he was beat up! Wonders never cease we get to pay for the lawsuit!

Convicted attempted-armed-robber Dana Buckman in Rochester, N.Y., is suing the victims for beating him up real bad . . . . .

What a crock!

What coffin would you want?

Very unusual coffins are expected in Ghani...

Carpenters carry a coffin shaped in the form of a fish over the main road in Teshie, a suburb of the Ghanaian capital of Accra, January 22, 2004. Funerals are important social occasions in this West African country and elaborate, brightly coloured coffins have become an art form. (Wolfgang Rattay/Reuters)

So what coffin would you want?

Iceland Penis Museum

Now I have seen it all!

The Founder- "The 64-year-old father of four and retired history teacher started collecting penises the same way others collect frogs or rubber ducks. Back in the 1970s, he said, a colleague who worked a summer at a nearby whaling station brought him a whale penis as a curiosity. Then others gave him more penises."

Full Story here:

http://www.philly.com/mld/inquirer/living/health/14741570.htm

Can't decide?

Yesterday, a Florida State federal judge, in a formal written order, required two feuding lawyers, who couldn’t decide on where to hold a deposition, to report to the courthouse steps in Tampa and play one game of Rock, Paper, Scissors, with the winner to select the deposition site. [Link from Fark.com]

Hell, Mich., heats up for 6-6-6 party

HELL, Mich. - They're planning a hot time in Hell on Tuesday. The day bears the date of 6-6-06, or abbreviated as 666 - a number that carries hellish significance. And there's not a snowball's chance in Hell that the day will go unnoticed in the unincorporated hamlet 60 miles west of Detroit.
Nobody is more fired up than John Colone, the town's self-styled mayor and owner of a souvenir shop.
"I've got `666' T-shirts and mugs. I'm only ordering 666 (of the items) so once they're gone, that's it," said Colone, also known as Odum Plenty. "Everyone who comes will get a letter of authenticity saying you've celebrated June 6, 2006, in Hell."
Most of Colone's wares will sell for $6.66, including deeds to one square inch of Hell.
Live entertainment and a costume contest are planned. The Gates of Hell should be installed at a children's play area in time for the festivities.
"They're 8 feet tall and 5 foot wide and each gate looks like flames, and when they're closed, it's a devil's head," Colone told The Detroit News for a Saturday story.
Mike "Smitty" Hickey, owner of the Dam Site Inn, wasn't sure what kind of clientele would show up Tuesday.
"We're all about having fun here. I don't think we're going to get the cult crowd, the devil worshippers or anything like that," said Hickey, whose bar's signature concoction is the Bloody Devil, a variant of the Bloody Mary.
Colone, meanwhile, has been in touch with radio stations as far away as San Diego and Seattle that are raffling off trips to Hell in honor of 6-6-6.
The 666 revelry is just the latest chapter in the town's storied history of publicity stunts, said Jason LeTeff, one of its 72 year-round residents - or, as the mayor calls them, Hellions or Hell-billies. But LeTeff wasn't particularly enthused.
"Now, here I am living in Hell, taking my kids to church and trying to teach them the right things and the town where we live is having a 6-6-6 party," he said.
According to the town's semiofficial Web site, there are two leading theories about how Hell got its name.
The first holds that a pair of German travelers stepped out of a stagecoach one sunny afternoon in the 1830s, and one said to the other, "So schoene hell" - roughly translated as, "So bright and beautiful." Their comments were overheard by some locals and the name stuck.
The second holds that George Reeves was asked after Michigan gained statehood what he thought the town he helped settle should be called, and reportedly replied, "I don't care, you can name it Hell if you want to." The name became official on Oct. 13, 1841.

It's just another day! Still they hope to profit....

Incredible Faith

You may have seen this in the news, as it just has made national news. It's a story of two young women. Five weeks ago these two young gals from Taylor University were in a terrible accident. One lived. One died (along with four other students). But their identities were mixed-up. Today it was discovered. The family who sat by the bedside of whom they thought was their daughter, Laura VanRyn, is indeed, Whitney Cerak. The VanRyn's have kept a blog. Their faith is incredible.

Yesterday they began their blog with the verse, "Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever." (Hebrews 13:8). They then share, "It is a sorrow and a joy for us to learn of this turn of events. For us, we will mourn Laura's going home and will greatly miss her compassionate heart and sweetness while knowing that she is safe and with her King forever."

What joy for one family.

What sorrow for another.

To Think your child is gone and then to find them to be alive is imposible to imagine. To think your child is alive and then to find them gone would be even worse. My prayers are with both families.

The Annual Rolling of the Cheese

The annual cheese rolling contest at Cooper's Hill in Gloucestershire, England. The origins of the cheese race are unclear, they say, but it's believed to have started several hundred years ago, possibly as a pagan festival to celebrate summer. Couldn't they have just taken off their clothes and jumped in the lake?
In any event, as you'll see from the story, the idea is that they chuck a 7 lb wedge of cheese down a very steep hill and then a horde of unintelligent men (and later, women) each take a step or two and then fall and tumble headlong down this hill, often at great peril and damage to themselves. Some manage to get to their feet again briefly, only to tumble headlong once again like so many projectiles down the hill. Any story that includes "among the injured" in the text is probably not a good one, at least not for the people involved.
In case you're having a hard time visualizing all of this, don't worry, here's a link to a video of the festivities, for your viewing pleasure.

Looking at this, we are left to ponder, is it any wonder we won the Revolution....?

Ummm OK....

BANGOR - A Waldo County man was arrested Saturday after he allegedly flew into a drunken rage, stripped to his socks and skivvies, yelled at passing cars and began smashing windows in a Stream Road garage door. Matt Powers, 33, of Monroe, who cut himself while breaking the windows, was arrested by Deputy Ben Seekins of the Waldo County Sheriff's Department outside the Stream Road home at 4:15 p.m. Seekins said Powers was unable to explain the reason for his outburst. "He was very intoxicated," Seekins said Sunday. Powers was charged with criminal trespass, criminal mischief and public indecency and taken to the Waldo County Jail. He was released on $200 bail Sunday morning. Seekins said the incident began around 4 p.m. when a neighbor told the county dispatch center that a naked man was on the road, yelling and challenging passing cars. The caller was still on the phone with the dispatcher when she heard the sound of breaking glass and believed the man was trying to enter her home, he said. Seekins said Powers did not try to break into the home but did rip a side mirror from the homeowner's car and smashed the garage windows.

I bet his hangover Sucked BIG TIME!

Gota love it~!

Looking for something for Dad?

This fathers day what could say "I love you" more than this nose hair trimmer?

What you get is a battery powered nose trimmer in the shape of a human finger. Switch it on, shove the finger up your nose, and watch your nose hairs disappear. (if you dare look, that is)

For the low low price of 9.99 how could you lose?

http://www.stupid.com/stat/TRIM.html

Barry Bonds

"Ruth did it on Hot dogs and Beer"

75 years from now how will history look back at Barry Bonds record?

If it is proven without a shadow of a doubt that Barry was on some performance enhancing drug should that record hold?

Depending on the outcome of finding out if Barry did use performance enhancing drugs (I believe he did) that is how history will see him. If found out yes he did then he will go down in history as the man who cheated his way to the top.

If it is found out that he didn't use then 75 years from now it won't matter at all. Now should the record hold if he is busted.... That is a hard one. #1 he did hit the ball #2 he hit the ball because he was juiced and would he have been able to do as well not juiced. I am undecided.

Spring slumbers...

Pounding, lashing thunderstorms all morning long.
I took my youngest child to school.
When I returned home, though - drenched to the bone and spitting nickels from the traffic - I stripped off my wet things, slipped into a laundry-crisp cotton nightie, and crawled back in the bed with the Mister.

It was heavenly. All the windows in our second-storey bedroom open to the sounds of the storm, ceiling fan whirring lazily above our heads, J and I stole a delicious few hours of uninterrupted slumber, stretched out flat and hand-in-hand on the king size, I recently outfitted with luxury high thread-count linens.
God, it was grand, and all the more delightful because we felt like we were getting away with something, playing hooky, even though neither of us really had anywhere to be. Stress and tension leaked from my body, I tell you.

If you have not curled up with someone you trust lately, and slept a deep sleep in a thunderstorm, I highly recommend it. I promise you, it does a world of good for the spirits. Worth its weight in Prozac.

No talent Paris Hilton.....

We celebrate people with no brains. No talent, and no morals. Why should girls think that you have to act stupid and be a size 2 to be accepted? I think the attention Paris Hilton gets from the media is way out of proportion. Every single fart is well documented. Lets go back to that one incident that brought her to big fame. Yes, I’ve seen her well promoted "sex video". But even on fast forward, there is not much action going on and I would like to quote my former workmate, who admitted that he had "thrown away better porn".

What passes for entertainment in this day and age has little to do with talent. Unfortunately the average American has an unhealthy obsession with popular culture and Hollywood has perfected feeding this sickness to the point where anything that they put in front of the general public will be snapped up and celebrated, regardless of talent or ability. Most celebrities are more product than talent.

She never grew up to hear the word "NO." Thats what teens today have to look up too!

Welcome Home

And a soul for every cowboy.
And a star to guide him home.
And an angel to bring him A song to sing when he's alone.
For the night is far from over And the storm is coming on.
And the wind is blowing colder.
And he's very far from home.
When hell falls cold and wet.
His heart soon forgets.
That ever he was loved or wanted to be loved.

Live for today

Yesterday has gone

Tommorow may never come

My sister has just found out that she has a lump on her breast. I feel so totally helpless and have no idea what I can do to comfort her besides be there. Cancer runs in our family and It's the scariest feeling in the world to know (not know) the future.

Love you sis be strong!

The Nerve of some people?!

Does it really chaf your hide when you see someone using handicap parking that is perfectly able to walk an extra 20 feet? Saw this over the weekend, the guy was totally not handicap he practically ran in the store!

Maybe they park in your assigned parking space repeatedly, leaving you with no option but to circle endlessly looking for a place to park. This happened to me today.

I Would you love to get back at him.....

I could take nearly all of the air out of his tires. Not leave them completely flat, just flat enough so that he has to drive to a service station. 10 psi should do it.

Why do I torture myself!!!???

I have been hooked on Days of our Lives (yes the soap opera) since I have been 12 years old.

I can remember sitting with my grandma during hot summer days and drinking lemonade, having animal crackers. I can still smell her perfume.

Needless to say I think the quality of television shows have severely declined since I was 12 years old.... Yet as awful as it is I still watch, hoping the may actually start to go back to the roots of the show.

Today as I watched I thought my gosh if I watch this show 1 hour a day five days a week 52 weeks a year that's 260 hours of my life that I will never get back..... THAT Sucks.

I must watch because that's what reminds me of my grandma who passed away 2 years ago today.

She loved the show.

Fried Oreo's

Some of you are possibly cringing in disbelief at such an atrocious food concept. Heck, I couldn't believe that fried Oreo cookies existed! My sister brought it this weekend to an easter get together and it's so sinful!

1 large bag of Oreo cookies

2 cups of pancake mix

1-1/2 cups of milk

2 eggs

4 tsp. of oil

Preheat deep fryer to 375 F. Combine pancake mix, milk, eggs and oil. Mix until there are no lumps. Dip Oreos into batter, make sure both sides are covered and put the Oreos into the deep fryer. The cookie will float so make sure you flip the cookie over so that both sides are golden brown. The cookies will cook fast so watch them so they will not burn. Take out Oreos and enjoy. The cookies are best straight out of the deep fryer!!

Makes about 54 Oreos.

You know your bad when........

Dutch police have reportedly confiscated the saxophone of a busker who played so badly that his audience complained. According to the Dutch news agency ANP, the 43-year-old used to perform at the railway station at Leiden in the west of the country to the dismay of passengers, who found his instrument an ill wind. He was the only person to believe that the station concourse "did justice to the sound quality of his instrument" by amplifying it, as he told policemen who served him with a summons and confiscated his saxophone. He had been repeatedly told by police, alerted by maddened passengers, to leave and each time the not-very-well-tempered instrument was confiscated and then returned. When he persisted police again took his saxophone but said this time they could not guarantee they would give it back. The prosecution service will decide.

intellectual intercourse

Seems lately that everyone I talk to is just plain fucking stupid!

I have not had a single meaningful conversation with anyone in at least a month! Including my family members. Have we all gotten to busy or just plain don't give a shit?

I try to have a conversation that would present some intellectual response...... No such luck so far!

Steph

Immigration

"Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free.."

It's bad enough that we, as a country, let immigrants in to begin with, but I think reducing the number of Joses and Ricardo's that swim ashore is a very good thing. Some ELEVEN MILLION!!
Most illegal immigrants won't pay taxes. They'll commit crimes. They'll do nothing to earn their keep. Take our jobs that we have left and we have'nt outsourced to India.

Look, I don't see what these Mexicans think entitles them to come over here in the first place. It's almost as if they feel that this is owed them, just because their country is so downtrodden.
It's not our problem the Joses and Ricardo's of their country can't fix their problem. The sooner we ban immigration, the better..in all forms.

In California the cost of providing Health Care, Education...and Incarceration to illegal immigrants is $10.5 billion. This cost is magnified by the fact that illegal immigrants do not undergo any medical screening prior to entering the US, which means that border states have much higher rates of diseases like tuberculosis and...wait for it...leprosy. Moreover, illegal immigrants utilize emergency rooms for primary care at a rate of 29%, which is nearly three times the rate of the population in general (11%). Of course, Illegal immigrants have to utilize the emergency room, since illegal immigrants make up 15% of the total number of uninsured people in the country.

***Edit****

Let me clearify that I am talking Illegal immigrants, some just come over for free labor and delivery so the child can become an automatic US Citizen and stay forever. Some Immigrants have earned the right to be here, they have been accepted leagally, pay taxes and have taken measures to become US citizens the corect and legal way.

Also I understand Outsourcing is a totally seperate issue and is to blame of US government trying to save pennies, therefore I probably should have saved that for a different topic altogether.

Only in Kuwait.......

Now I would say that it's a crusty situation!

The Kuwait Times accompanied a team from the Hawally municipality team -- led by Tareq Al-Qattan and some other inspectors -- on an inspection campaign Hawally to monitor various businesses in the area. From there, we moved to restaurants. Team members entered the restaurants from all directions so that no one working illegally in the restaurant could run away. What I saw in those restaurants was so bad that I have stopped eating for two days. Our first visit was to well-known bakery - though I discovered along with the municipality that they leave the dough in the toilet. The baker was surprised to see the municipality. When he was asked about why he stored the dough in such an inappropriate location, he admitted that the humidity helps speed up the process and so he can meet demand. In addition, he kept the dough in the bathtub and used expired butter. The bakery was closed immediately and a KD 1000 fine imposed and charges are to be prepared for working with an expired health license permit.

Stormy

We had a pretty stormy Sunday what with the tornados that ripped through the Midwest yesterday. 3 weeks ago yesterday a nearby town was ripped to shreds and another last night. I can see that this will be a very active tornado season. Luckily we suffered no damage Thank God! I feel awful that our neighboring states were'nt so lucky it's terrible to see the news reports of the damage. I guess my point is be thankful for every day as you never know if it's your last.

Stephanie

Random silly quotes.....

I can see clearly now, the brain is gone...

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

I used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.

Mental Floss prevents Moral Decay.

Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.

Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode.

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.

I don't have a solution but I admire the problem.

Don't be so open-minded your brains fall out.

If at first you DO succeed, try not to look astonished!

I Intended to start a blog, that much is evident, for the life of me I quit as fast as I started! lol O well all things begin with good intentions.

Then this morning on my way to work I thought what a tiny little blip on the screen of the internet am I? Who really reads the stuff randomly posted and ramble on without even knowing if someone reads it?

Yes, ladies and Gents I am in a pretty shitty mood today. Had a kinda crappy weekend. I HATE Mondays.

My oldest son who is about to turn 15 thinks he is 23 and knows everyting. We were having problems with his lying and doing stupid things just to see if got caught, at least we thought so.
We decided to see if grandma in Mo wanted to take him for a while. She jumped at the chance.
We homeschool him and she agreed to take on the chore of keeping him inline. That was a month ago, he was origanally going to go for 2-3 weeks. He's having so much fun he does'nt want to come home. That puts me in the position of feeling like the worst mom in the world but also wanting him to be happy. I'm sure it's not my parenting skills because my mom loves to spoil him rotten. So now I need to figure out how much longer I can allow it. On one hand to get him aclaimated again once he comes home is going to be a nightmare. On the the other I know she is retired and can keep a closer eye on him and he stays out of trouble! I have no idea what to do....

We took the 6 hour ride down this weekend to see him, needless to say we couldnt change his mind about coming home yet. It made it worse to know that because I feel as he should want to be with mom and dad before he moves out and gets married has his own children etc... NOPE

We decided on the way home he is coming home Easter no ifs, ands, or buts about it!
Parenting is hard, thank god we decided to have our 2 children young so we handle it.