I was 13 he was 14. It was the 7th grade for me the 8th for him. I had never been the outgoing type-more introverted. His story goes a little like this....
he saw me in gym room standing with 2 of my girlfriends listing to my boombox play the superbowl shuffle, gotta love the early 80's, he says I grabbed ahold of his heart and he knew he wouldn't let me get away. The night he saw me he called me. I had no idea who he was, never herd of him, and was a bit on guard when he called. I thought for sure it was a practical joke. That night he asked if he could keep calling me and told me that one day he would marry me. We became inseparable. I was full on smitten. If you were to ask anyone in high school who I was they would say that's James' girfiend. We became one person. At age 14 I became pregnant and our parents totally fipped out. They instantly insisted that I have an abortion. So 7 weeks later I did. 2 days before I was to have the abortion my mother, in her panic mode, says to have the child put up for adoption. It was my choice! Not hers!
I was angry as she drug me along to an adoption center to have the process explained to me. I was young and had to make a decision for myself, for him, for everyone. That child would be 18, graduated from high school, and planning his/her life.
After that we had to struggle to keep "us" us. It was rocky. I thought it had bonded us more.
I have never dated anyone else but him, never wanted to. I am struggling with the idea that he could be tempted to have an affair much less have one. I need to forgive him, but I cant forget the hurt he has caused. I could see it if we falling apart for some time. There were no signs, no struggles. I was living in absolute bliss thinking everything was fine.
I know he didn't have to tell me and could have just hid it. But he couldn't and now I hurt deeply more so than I have ever thought I could. Time heals all woulds but my heart and mind is not wounded it's broken. I do love him how can I not?
I guess I am just real down today so I had to vent.
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1 comment:
I wish I had words for you, but in all honesty I don't think there are words. Every one situation is different. I am sorry that you are hurting. Stay strong, time heals all. You have been through some very hard times, I am sure you can get through this too. Thinking of you!
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